END OF YEAR FILM COUNTDOWN
Look I know how blogs work. Basically December rolls around and the whole internet turns into a big list. lists:blogs::food:humans My blog has spoken and unless I list something, it’s going to be limping around with a distended stomach and a dry cough. SUPER GROSS. Thus I give you the TOP TEN TWO FILMS OF 2008 THAT I’M THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW.
1. ROBOCOP!!!!!
YEAAAAH ROBOCOP!!! I think actually it came out a while ago. THIS IS IRRELEVANT. In a world where Robocop exists, it is folly to ever give favor to any movie more than Robocop. THIS IS FACT.
Reasons why Robocop is greatest: (SUB-LIST INCOMING!)
A) awesome mega-violence
I don’t know if it’s just me but it seems to that Hollywood doesn’t do mega-violence like it used to. To me, film violence is at its best when it sort of makes me want to laugh but sort of makes me want to barf (I’m thinking of most of Peter Jackson’s back-catalog, schlock like Re-Animator, and about a million Tom Savini projects from the 80s and 90s). A lot of film violence has become a lot less fun—Wolf Creek, Saw, Hostel, Devil’s Rejects, basically “Torture Porn” as a whole and its trickle-down effect on cinema. I do NOT want to see depictions of humans suffering. I DO want to see a guy get covered in toxic waste and then turn into a weird melted mutant thing and then get exploded by car.
(Skip to 5:00)
B) Stop-motion robots.
Ed-209 is the awesomest robot and totally does not look bad at all for being mostly a puppet. Why did we stop with this? I’d take a million crappy stop-motion skeletons before I have to watch another JarJar or that stupid digital muppet thing from Lost in Space. I’m not trying to get all Andy Rooney here but come on look at this thing:
C) Non-over-sexualized sassy lady sidekick
How many times does THIS happen? Robocop’s partner Anne is a totally rad, non-exploited “girl” character in a bazookas action movie. She is not “the girlfriend”, not topless, not raped/murdered/or a catalyst for making action hero become action hero. SHE IS JUST AN AWESOME LADY CHARACTER. This shouldn’t be a huge deal but it is.
D) “WE ARE ALL ROBOCOPS”
Darren Aranofsky is apparently remaking Robocop and I don’t know how I feel about this yet but he did have some interesting insight into his inspiration:
Before you get an MRI, they give you a list of like 38 different things, how you can have metal in your body. From a shutter in your eyelid to a pacemaker, screws and all this stuff you can have in your system. I realized, ‘Wow, we are cyborgs.’ I mean, everything’s not inside us, but the way we’re connected to the technology and everything is right there.
You don’t like Robocop, man? TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF. We’re there. WE ARE ROBOCOPS. Maybe this isn’t that deep. Whatever I’m fine with that. You’re not changing my opinion.
ANYWAYS. I recommend this guy’s awesome review of the Robocop Criterion Collection DVD.
2. PINEAPPLE EXPRESS
TOTALLY FREAKING FUNNY.
The End.
EDIT: OH WAIT ALSO I JUST REMEMBERED CLOVERFIELD.
