Bowling is pointless and stupid
This is hardly a David and Goliath story—I’m certain AMF won’t be pounding on my door at midnight with a defamation lawsuit but BOWLING IS THE DUMBEST THING EVER. It takes me about two years to forget this at which point bowling sounds amazing and then in about 5 minutes in a bowling alley it’s all BAM!—suck city.
Bowling is an antiquated public display of machismo in which overcompensating men with huge right arms throw a heavy thing as hard as they can in the name of competition. Sometimes girls bowl—this mostly involves giggling and pretending to be impressed by their dates’ ball hurling prowess. Also high-fiving all around.
A bowling alley is one buxom waitress shy of a Hooters.
If you’re starting to suspect that all this anti-bowling sentiment is a result of me being terrible at bowling, OKAY FINE MAYBE YOU’RE RIGHT. I think I bowled under a 50 on my last game. WHATEVER SHUT UP.
me:
ALSO, bowling at night is stupid because they turn on a bunch of black lights in order to call it “Cosmic Galactic Prism” bowling and charge extra. Bowling in black lights has officially made me retract a statement I made to my former roommate Joe-you DO NEED to EVENTUALLY WASH PANTS, JOE. YOU WIN. I looked like a hotel bedspread on CSI.
GROSS, BRAD. NO SERIOUSLY THOUGH. WHAT IS ALL THAT.
